Category Archives: Rantings

An Important Issue

Owls vs. Beavers. Who would win?

A lot of the time you get something in your head where you think “hmmm… I wonder who would win in a fight… Kermit the frog or enzo?”. Usually these questions are silly because the answers are so obvious (Enzo obviously). Once in a while I have discovered that there really is a fight worthy of discussion and debate. Pirates vs. Ninjas, Buzz Lightyear vs. Captain America and so on.

I have decided that beavers vs. owls is a fight worthy of such discussions.

OWL STRENGTHS

  • Flight
  • Wisdom
  • Large Talons
  • Strategic Cunning
  • Silent
  • Exceptional Eyesight
  • Rotatable Head
  • Some have horns
  • Terrifying Screech

BEAVER STRENGTHS

  • Big Badass Teeth
  • Biggest enemy of the Ents
  • Build Dams
  • Led by Simon Cowell
  • Super Strength
  • Giant Rodent
  • Powerful Tail
  • Screws over other forest creatures
  • Persistant Schemer
  • Hard worker

Its impossible to tell! I think that I would have to throw the two into a ring and see. Would PETA be cool with that?

(I’ll be in the Owls corner, Beavers are dicks.)

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Self-decrepitation

hello loyal readers (all zero of you), i have come upon what is kind of an epiphany. I say kind of because I read it in a book a long time ago but recently I gave it some serious thought and realized the truth of it. This is probably a useless piece of imformation but I would say that it explains a lot about our nature. Now I’m certainley no pshychiatrist or philosopher or biological anthropologist but I would say that I can sometimes get a pretty good grasp on my surroundings and can come up with interesting insights.

Human beings, as far as nature is concerned, are self-decrepitating. Now you’ll probably think “well duh, people are stupid.” and I would agree with that but I think that it goes deeper than that. I think it’s an inherit part of our nature. It’s ingrained into our genetics. Think about it, practically everyone drinks, smokes, blazes, does x-treme sports, and so on. It’s not a matter of being stupid… because if it was I’m sure we could show a chimp how to smoke a cigarette and that the chimp would become a chain smoker. Obviously not because the chimp knows that its no good! Human beings bodies are attuned to outside chemical influence and we enjoy it. Everyone smokes, they just don’t know it yet.

Of course there are those who do none of those things but they are, oddly enough, freaks of nature. Going against what is natural. In no way am i condoning any of this behavior, but it is what makes us us.

I honestly wonder what the evolutionary advantage is to this… maybe a way to trim the fat? I have no clue… but that might make sense. Those who can’t survive the toil they put their body through don’t get to spread their genes. It’s just you’d think that genes that don’t fall to such behavior would have sprung up by now. Assuming that is the case then we’ve gotten past having to survive against it and everyone survives and we just have an ill society.

Perhaps this might explain our environmental irresponsibility or our cruelty… but probably not because we see that in other species…

Keep in mind this is one hundred percent researchless…

LOL

lol.

Acronym for “Laugh out loud”

rarely used when one actually does laugh out loud.

Excellent as conversation fodder however.

What I Happen to be Thinking During the Time this was Written.

I’m thinking about how much i love condiments. and the food that happens to get dipped into said comments (which contains a MASS variety of different foods). anything that is exceptionally delicious should be able to dipped into another delicious substance to be made even more delicious (except, of course, for meals that exceed the rating of 10, yet cannot, because of the fact that it is, indeed, impossible to score because mere humans are not capable of such acts). EG. chicken wings are delicious and that we can all readily agree that there is a variety of substance that it can be dipped into to improve upon the taste factor of the previously said type of food. Unless of course you are a vegetaritan/vegan of course and let it be known I wholeheartedly support those who d0 not eat meat despite that fact that we disagree. Ok, new topic, vegetarians. A lot of people do not eat meat. People are vegetations for a variety of reasons  including, but not exclusively, animal rights, a healthy diet and environmental protectiveness. These are very noble and honorable reasons not to eat meat. So no hating on vegetarians! Anyways, thats that much more meat for me! Yippee! I just got back from the Gibbons Hotel, and let me let you know that they most certainley leave their kegs lying around for days on end in small towns because their beer is flat! Including Gibbons Hotel. Oh well, I had a good time regardless. I met some of my brothers previous compatriarts from high school. It was most entertaining. I got offered-ish a job working cement next summer but I’m not too sure if I want to cuz i wanna travel around again. I want to hitch-hike across Canada and see the land. And including Hunter and Ivan. Especially! So we’ll see what happens. I hate manual labor. Tomorrow is dungeons. Sweet. I’m such a nerd…

They Lied to Us

This was supposed to be the future!

  • Where is my robot companion?
  • Where is my longevity vaccine?
  • Where is my food in pill form?
  • Where is my flying car?
  • Where is my nuclear powered floating house?
  • Where is my teleporter?
  • Where is my moon base?
  • Where is my voice activated everything?
  • Where is my cyborg body parts?
  • Where is my holo-vision?
  • Where is my standard issue grey-spandex?

These are things that we’re supposed to have by now!

(credit where credit is due. idea borrowed by my[confined]space and elaborated upon)

On the Subject of Admiring Boogers

Whilst “working” on my homework (AKA perusing FML), I stumbled across a little beaut of an FML that warrants further analysis and discussion. To view the actual FML and all resulting comments – please do your clicking here.

queen nose pick

This here was the posted FML:

Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was the perfect time to pick a humongous booger out of my nose. While carefully examing and admiring it, I failed to notice that the owner of my company was staring at me from the left lane in complete and utter revulsion. FML

So there does indeed seem to be mixed views upon whether it is acceptable to gaze upon freshly picked boogs or not when clearing the out the bat cave (we all do so don’t even pretend). On one side we have the “prudes” (the submitters boss) who view this as revolting. Such as anniemeece who posted the comment: “Why the hell would you be “examining and admiring it”? That’s just disgusting!”. Or bloodknight who was quoted as saying “Sick. YDI for “examining and admiring” it. I mean come on WTF…”. And on the absolute “not allowed” end of the booger-viewing-spectrum we have individuals such as thesuitman who went so far as to say “FYL indeed. You just found out you’re a psycho, and need help, NOW”.

Now let’s go over to the other camp. We can call these folks the “crudes”. It seems that there are people out there (the submitter for example) who feel that picking and viewing boogers is acceptable and perhaps even enjoyable. There also seems to be consensus amongst the “crudes” that carrying out such an event is best done whilst driving. Kiddnyc10 has exactly such a view and thinks that “it is such a pleasure whenever I remove a huge booger from my nostrils”. jmoose311 believes that “Everyone picks their nose.” and wonders “How else are you going to get the boogers out?”. Then once again, we have people who are so pro-booger-pickin’ that they go so far as to feel that the picking and admiring process is not enough. They believe that instead of “flicking away” being the third step of nose pickery, one should actually eat the picked booger. Now this is obviously a very extreme viewpoint. Like anarchism. But these people are out there. MiniatureMayhem believes “Boogers are good for you. They strengthen your immune system or something.”. Plexico holds booger eating in such high regard that he doesn’t believe that the boss in the submitted FML was apart of the “prudes”, but is actually such a “crude” that “He probably thought you were going to hog that beauty all to yourself.”

clinton pick

Clearly, if people were to vote on admiring mucus extracted from the nostrils, there would be at least one recount. There is also more than likely a gender division on such a topic. Males are much more likely to admire boogers than females. Personally, I would argue that yes, a significant number of people do pick their noses. Also I would argue that those who do pick their noses would do so in a car that they are driving, more than likely while driving alone. As I’ve stated above, pretty much everyone at least picks their nose. So it can be concluded that most people do in fact pick their noses whilst driving probably due to the fact that there’s nothing better to do and the fact that driving creates an illusion of privacy. This is not the prevailing issue at hand however. The issue is focusing upon what is to be done with the booger immediately after completing the act. As a recap, There are those who believe booger admiration is a sign of mental instability (these individuals probably also claim that they do not pick their noses ever as well), those who believe that this act is absolutely revolting, those who think that it’s a matter to be done while completely alone, those who believe that public picking is all right but not the act of admiration (advocates of the “pick, roll and flick” philosophy), those who openly admit that they do in fact pick their noses and proceed to admire their work and those who choose to indulge on their freshly picked booger after a healthy dose of admiration.

gorilla pick

Where do you stand? Where do I stand? What should the norm be? Do you feel that we should be able to pick and admire freely and openly yet find yourself suppressing this urge due to social pressures? Personally, I know that I have been known to enjoy digging out a well crusted stalactite off out of my nose. I do think that nostrils are indeed the perfect size fingers. I also believe that all five of our fingers have different nose picking purposes. I also firmly believe that a drive pick is as natural as sleeping in the nude (also a controversial topic). On top of all that, I do believe that in the case of a colossal nose goblin, one should most definitely gaze upon what you have crafted. I am an understanding individual and know that some people are in fact utterly revolted by the act. So I take measures to have compassion for these people so there are a few rules I follow… 1) NEVER EAT IT! Obviously this is nasty nasty. Your nose is full of gross stuff and they taste icky anyways. 2) If you do feel the urge to dig in behind the wheel, do so while in transit. Diving in while at a stop light is just asking for trouble. 3) avoid picking whilst in the company of others. Unless, of course, you have had a discussion on the topic and all feel comfortable with being in the company of some one who does indulge.

Please feel free to discuss.

stimpy/approves

My Very First Rant! (Part Two)

Little addition to what I posted earlier today.

I’m pretty sure that people just complain about the cold because they feel that they have too. Sure it’s cold-ish. But let’s get real here people, A) IT’S ALBERTA!, get used to it and if you can’t, stop botherin’ me with whining! 2) I know it’s cold you don’t need to remind me every 3 minutes and D) You sure as hell know it’s gonna get colder than this! I personally find it kind of refreshing. It’s not skin-bitingly cold. It’s not like you can’t slap on a jacket or something and be comfortable. When it gets down to minus 35 I grant you the permission to say it’s cold one time only. Even then I will probably reply with something along the lines of “Really? I hadn’t noticed” or possibly “Well then I’d advise against going outside”. Just sayin’.

Sub-rant

For the second time today, while being in a rather empty coffee shop, a crowd (three’s a crowd right?) of people have decided upon sitting directly beside me when the entire coffee shop is available. Why? I donno. It sure is annoying though. especially considering that they’re almost awkwardly close and talking about personal issues or a job interview. Who knows… Maybe it’s their spot? For real though, I count a total of NINE places they could have sat that wouldn’t involve being directly beside me or anyone else. Maybe I’m just grumpin’.